For a brief moment in time, I was a wizard.

This morning, I was "Kevin the Wizard" as I hosted the Washington American School Halloween trick-or-treat. I blogged about this one year ago.

With a dracula cape and witch's hat, I was more of a crossbreed than a wizard, but who could tell? My coworker (whose son's school was the one that came by) told me the flow of the 1-hour show, and I ran with it. There was some miscommunication on the floor, as one of the teachers kept looking at me like "What are you doing? That wasn't in the script." Well, it was in MY script. No one cares about the overall picture. It's all about me. Halloween isn't for the kids anyway. CHRISTMAS is for the kids. Halloween is for the adults who pretend they're not who they really are. Anyway, I think I did a good job hosting the game, speaking loudly, clearly, and slowly. But it makes me realize that I could never teach kids because I can't stand speaking at such a simple level. Anyway, it was fun. Now it's back to work work.

Oh, and like last year, BT sent another Scratch & Win card "Fright Night". But I Scratched & Lost. Dangit.

I was on the bus to Ben's place for the weekend with my laptop today. I started off watching a couple episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond Season One, during which a guy sat next to me plugged into his MP3 player. In Taiwan at least (not sure about the situation in Canada now), it seems like everyone has an MP3 player. There are at least 50 different makes and models at electronics stores, if not more. A lot of the makers are Taiwanese companies, some small some large. Even so, the iPod series of players are still amongst the most popular.

So after finishing up with ELR, I decided to close my eyes for a bit and listen to some classical music. So, I used MY MP3 player. I opened Windows Media Player, queued up a bunch of MP3s, closed my laptop and held it at my side. I chuckled to myself at the thought of my oversized MP3 player in comparison to the guy-next-to-me's tampon-sized MP3 player.

Welcome to the 21st Century.

This frustrates me.

Cursed with radically changing day-to-day weather, Taiwan weather forecasts never seem consistent from one website to the next. I'm trying to decide whether to go rollerblading tomorrow, and I can't plan it with any certainty. For example, looking at the outlook for today and tomorrow...

Taipei: Yahoo! Weather and CNN
Hsinchu: Taiwan Central Weather Bureau and Yahoo! Weather

In my opinion, for outdoor events/activities, partly cloudy and thundershowers are far from the same.

Can't we just decide on one prediction and go with it?

Life is so interesting when you fast forward to only the good parts, isn't it?

It's like watching a movie where two people shar some time in France. The film editors create a 30 second sequence where you see young adults frollick through the sloped cobblestone lanes, laughing as they spin around with their arms out, looking at the Effiel Tower, visiting La Louvre, picking grapes from country vinards, stopping for a herd of sheep crossing the dusty road, and so on.

And yet, somehow, when it's you in that same situation, you'll only realize how much your feet hurt from walking up that cobblestone alley, how crazy traffic was between the Effiel Tower and La Louvre was, and how you stepped in sheep dung. And even if you really did have a great time at all those spots, there are always long and boring waits at train stations and bus stops, and a lot of walking, in between the scenes that the producers didn't show you.

Wouldn't it be great if we could fast forward our lives to just the good parts?

Here's a fun toilet fact:

For guys at least, when you hoist yourself on a toilet with the urge to both pee and poo, you will always start peeing first. I've tried several times disprove this, but to no avail. I try to hold the frontside, and release the backside, but there's always a trickle before the drop. Let me know if your experiment find otherwise.

Or just take it as a thought you can sit on. (Get it? SIT on? ... uh huh)

There are only a few instances when it's acceptable for a man to say about another man: "... and he has those beautiful soft hands."

One such instance is in hockey.

Ever have people on your MSN contact list that you haven't talked to much, and you forget who they are? One of my contacts messaged me today. His MSN name is just a message in Chinese, no name. His email address doesn't have his name either. So, really, I don't remember who he is. But I still talked to him... for 20 mins during my lunch break. We talked about buses going to Taipei, his recent wedding, and his wife's English name (or picking a name for her). And after all this, I still couldn't put together who he was.

Then, I took a lunchtime nap.

After I awoke, I decided to be clever and see if I could figure it out. I asked him

Me: "What company are you at again? I seem to have no recollection."
Him: "What company ??"

Uh oh. Should I know this? Does he work at my office? But I don't think I have any other coworkers on my MSN list (aside from one I know).

Him: "What company are you at again? --> I don't understand the sentence."

Quick reaction...

Me: "oops, sorry. wrong window. :P"
Him: "Haaa"
Me: "damn, I do that too often." (actually, I don't do it often at all)
Me: "Nothing. Ignore me. Just woke up. Still groggy."
Him: "If you have 2 girlfriends, you'll get into big trouble."
Me: "hehe"

Ok... so that was a failed attempt. I felt like I was quickly losing chances to find out this guy's identity.

Finally, I said:

Me: "Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you email me (_____@____.com) with your contact info? I realized I don't have any... like, cell, primary email, and whatever..."
Me: "I usually keep a contact list, just in case."
Him: "ok"
Me: "I don't think I added you (although I'd have to check)... fanks."

Finally, he MSNs me his contact info, and I realize it was my coworker. And what's funny is that we had these few lines in our MSN conversation:

Him: "I got married at 10/10" <-- Taiwan's National Day
Me: "oh? Congratulations!"
Me: "Was it at the Taipei city hall?"
Him: "thank you"
Him: "Yes"
Me: "ah, ok. My coworker got married there too."

It turns out that HE's the "coworker" I was talking about. And he told me he was getting married that day a while ago, because the Taipei government was holding a big wedding event.

Anyway, I'm a doorknob. But I feel better now knowing who he is.

This is an evil posting.

Let's talk about a coworker of mine. Let's call him "Geoff" to protect his identity - although it's just an alternate spelling of his name.

Now, I don't want to come off sounding mean, but let's just say, I'd hate to be Geoff. There's not a thing about him that I like. He's a few inches taller than me, so I wouldn't mind having that. But other than that, he's everything I consider useless in a human-sized capsule. Let's review the facts:

• For someone who's an engineer, he is the slowest frickin' typist EVER. You say "No, he can't be. Ever?" Ever. There is not a single engineer on this planet that seems as afraid of a keyboard as him (other planets, okay maybe). His finger tips seem reluctant to press down a key, as if afraid of snapping on contact.
  
• He has no sense of navigation through his own computer windows. As engineers, we usually have a few windows open at any one time, and that's fairly normal. If he's in window A, and he switches to window B, he has to flip through windows F, J, and frickin' P to find his way back to A. I'm serious! Even P!! No one should have to go through P to get to A.
  
• When I help him at his desk, his inefficiencies at the keyboard make me want to grab him by the hair with two hands, put both feet at the lumbar support of his chair, and pull, leaning as far back as I can in his confined cubicle space.
  
• He's got the worse English out of everyone in my group, and doesn't even know commonly used technical words in English. In Taiwan, Engineers all have a fairly good technical vocabulary because they use foreign books (i.e. English) throughout their studies. But not him. Maybe he didn't go to school.
  
• He used to be an IC designer at another company before coming to our team as QA. And he recently asked me a question about something I think is BASIC for IC designing (just a coding thing). He must not have been a good IC designer.
  
• He over-uses the sentence "I don't understand."
  
• When you first ask him a question, his answer 50% of the time is in the form of a question "You mean _____?", as if you have to clarify everything. Otherwise, he will repeat the last word of your question.
  
• He makes awful assumptions, which usually are met with disagreement. I particularly enjoy the part where people say "no, you're wrong".
  
• He's got this annoying chuckles that he exercises at all the wrong times... such as when he's making his awful assumptions. Example: [chuckling] "But no one would ever use a memory module like that." "Actually, you're wrong. You're an idiot, Geoff, so shut up and let the adults talk."
  
• He has an awful memory. He does some testing, but can't usually remember any details about the results... which is particularly fun when our manager asks him about his findings.
  
• When he hits an error, he usually just asks someone first before even reading the error message (which often times can easily point out where to look).
  
• When I'm helping him with a problem, he likes to put his sweaty hand down on my desk to get his head close up to the monitor to get a good look... a real good look, I'd say, when he's close enough to lick my flatscreen.
  
• When he puts his hand down, he usually does it on sheets of paper on my desk. And when his lifts his hand, the paper's usually stuck to his frickin' sweaty palm. To add to that, he usually manages to ruffle and wrinkle those sheets when he'll peeling them off his hand. The jerk.
  
• When he doesn't get cheek-to-cheek with my monitor, he stands behind me and leans on the back of my chair. It's like having some annoying guy kicking the back of your seat when you're trying to enjoy a movie. Makes you want to swing around with Zangief arms from Street Fighter II.
  
• He has absolutely no social skills. He's one of those guys who you say Good Morning to or Bye to but has no reply.
  
• When he talks, usually it's slow. I guess he's limited by the processing speed of his brain.
  
• I can't stand the way he walks. Slow and droopy. Not sure if he shuffles his feet, but he seems to be the type that would. Example: a bunch of us were walking into the elevator, maybe 4 in all. People generally step to the sides of an elevator after loading to make way for the people behind them. After #1 and #2 went into the elevator, #3 was Geoff, just taking his time. I, #4, actually ran into him because he caught me off guard with his surprisingly leisure stroll. Again, not trying to be mean, but he might as well hang from a tree and be called a sloth.
  
• Just yesterday afternoon, he burped at my desk while asking me for help, completely filling the air with the smell of his lunch. Ick. A few seconds later, he walked away, and I was left fanning my area with my lab book. Someone needs to stick a few shoe fresheners in his mouth.

But let's face it. People like Geoff make the rest of us look pretty darn good at work, don't they?

Care to share about your colleagues? Maybe paint a picture on a canvas that s/he will never see? Ok, go ahead. Get it off your chest. Feel free to use more than one comment forms if you can't fit it all in one. I know you have a lot to say.

Help me spread the word.

Everyone knows the basic short forms often used in MSN: ttyl, brb, btw, ic, ...

There's one more I want to add - so pass it on.

Background:
Some of us MSN at work. In many workplaces, instant messaging isn't encouraged (and so it shouldn't be, because it's rather disruptive to one's work -- believe me, I know. Then again, so is blogging.) So, like many of you, I've developed a keen ear for people walking my way. It quickly triggers a reflect which hits "ALT-TAB" away to a work-related window. But if you're in a conversation with someone while your boss comes by to talk to you, the last thing you want is for 4 incoming message tabs blinking away in your Start Menu bar. Quite frankly, it looks bad. So this is my solution to it.

Solution:
"DMM" or "dmm" -> Don't Message Me
What this really means is: "As of this message, don't send anything to me until I message you again. I'll explain later." In other words, "NO MESSAGES". It's usually not enough to just say "hold on" or "brb", because everyone's first reaction to that is to send a message "OKAY", which starts up a blinking message tab. No help there. When you receive a DMM/dmm message, just leave the person alone until the coast is clear. So, I want to spread this acronym into everyone's IMing dictionary. Please use it when appropriate, and please let everyone else know about it!

Very busy this week with a demo on Monday, and giving training Tuesday - Thursday. So just a short boring post.

The Canucks' season starts tonight (and against the Coyotes coached by Wayner). And then there's also Mr. Crosby out East to watch as well. I love having hockey news to read again. So, here's my question...

What's the best website for reading about the Canucks? I used to read the Vancouver Sun and Province online, but they seem to require subscriptions now. Where else?