Ever have people on your MSN contact list that you haven't talked to much, and you forget who they are? One of my contacts messaged me today. His MSN name is just a message in Chinese, no name. His email address doesn't have his name either. So, really, I don't remember who he is. But I still talked to him... for 20 mins during my lunch break. We talked about buses going to Taipei, his recent wedding, and his wife's English name (or picking a name for her). And after all this, I still couldn't put together who he was.

Then, I took a lunchtime nap.

After I awoke, I decided to be clever and see if I could figure it out. I asked him

Me: "What company are you at again? I seem to have no recollection."
Him: "What company ??"

Uh oh. Should I know this? Does he work at my office? But I don't think I have any other coworkers on my MSN list (aside from one I know).

Him: "What company are you at again? --> I don't understand the sentence."

Quick reaction...

Me: "oops, sorry. wrong window. :P"
Him: "Haaa"
Me: "damn, I do that too often." (actually, I don't do it often at all)
Me: "Nothing. Ignore me. Just woke up. Still groggy."
Him: "If you have 2 girlfriends, you'll get into big trouble."
Me: "hehe"

Ok... so that was a failed attempt. I felt like I was quickly losing chances to find out this guy's identity.

Finally, I said:

Me: "Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you email me (_____@____.com) with your contact info? I realized I don't have any... like, cell, primary email, and whatever..."
Me: "I usually keep a contact list, just in case."
Him: "ok"
Me: "I don't think I added you (although I'd have to check)... fanks."

Finally, he MSNs me his contact info, and I realize it was my coworker. And what's funny is that we had these few lines in our MSN conversation:

Him: "I got married at 10/10" <-- Taiwan's National Day
Me: "oh? Congratulations!"
Me: "Was it at the Taipei city hall?"
Him: "thank you"
Him: "Yes"
Me: "ah, ok. My coworker got married there too."

It turns out that HE's the "coworker" I was talking about. And he told me he was getting married that day a while ago, because the Taipei government was holding a big wedding event.

Anyway, I'm a doorknob. But I feel better now knowing who he is.

This is an evil posting.

Let's talk about a coworker of mine. Let's call him "Geoff" to protect his identity - although it's just an alternate spelling of his name.

Now, I don't want to come off sounding mean, but let's just say, I'd hate to be Geoff. There's not a thing about him that I like. He's a few inches taller than me, so I wouldn't mind having that. But other than that, he's everything I consider useless in a human-sized capsule. Let's review the facts:

• For someone who's an engineer, he is the slowest frickin' typist EVER. You say "No, he can't be. Ever?" Ever. There is not a single engineer on this planet that seems as afraid of a keyboard as him (other planets, okay maybe). His finger tips seem reluctant to press down a key, as if afraid of snapping on contact.
  
• He has no sense of navigation through his own computer windows. As engineers, we usually have a few windows open at any one time, and that's fairly normal. If he's in window A, and he switches to window B, he has to flip through windows F, J, and frickin' P to find his way back to A. I'm serious! Even P!! No one should have to go through P to get to A.
  
• When I help him at his desk, his inefficiencies at the keyboard make me want to grab him by the hair with two hands, put both feet at the lumbar support of his chair, and pull, leaning as far back as I can in his confined cubicle space.
  
• He's got the worse English out of everyone in my group, and doesn't even know commonly used technical words in English. In Taiwan, Engineers all have a fairly good technical vocabulary because they use foreign books (i.e. English) throughout their studies. But not him. Maybe he didn't go to school.
  
• He used to be an IC designer at another company before coming to our team as QA. And he recently asked me a question about something I think is BASIC for IC designing (just a coding thing). He must not have been a good IC designer.
  
• He over-uses the sentence "I don't understand."
  
• When you first ask him a question, his answer 50% of the time is in the form of a question "You mean _____?", as if you have to clarify everything. Otherwise, he will repeat the last word of your question.
  
• He makes awful assumptions, which usually are met with disagreement. I particularly enjoy the part where people say "no, you're wrong".
  
• He's got this annoying chuckles that he exercises at all the wrong times... such as when he's making his awful assumptions. Example: [chuckling] "But no one would ever use a memory module like that." "Actually, you're wrong. You're an idiot, Geoff, so shut up and let the adults talk."
  
• He has an awful memory. He does some testing, but can't usually remember any details about the results... which is particularly fun when our manager asks him about his findings.
  
• When he hits an error, he usually just asks someone first before even reading the error message (which often times can easily point out where to look).
  
• When I'm helping him with a problem, he likes to put his sweaty hand down on my desk to get his head close up to the monitor to get a good look... a real good look, I'd say, when he's close enough to lick my flatscreen.
  
• When he puts his hand down, he usually does it on sheets of paper on my desk. And when his lifts his hand, the paper's usually stuck to his frickin' sweaty palm. To add to that, he usually manages to ruffle and wrinkle those sheets when he'll peeling them off his hand. The jerk.
  
• When he doesn't get cheek-to-cheek with my monitor, he stands behind me and leans on the back of my chair. It's like having some annoying guy kicking the back of your seat when you're trying to enjoy a movie. Makes you want to swing around with Zangief arms from Street Fighter II.
  
• He has absolutely no social skills. He's one of those guys who you say Good Morning to or Bye to but has no reply.
  
• When he talks, usually it's slow. I guess he's limited by the processing speed of his brain.
  
• I can't stand the way he walks. Slow and droopy. Not sure if he shuffles his feet, but he seems to be the type that would. Example: a bunch of us were walking into the elevator, maybe 4 in all. People generally step to the sides of an elevator after loading to make way for the people behind them. After #1 and #2 went into the elevator, #3 was Geoff, just taking his time. I, #4, actually ran into him because he caught me off guard with his surprisingly leisure stroll. Again, not trying to be mean, but he might as well hang from a tree and be called a sloth.
  
• Just yesterday afternoon, he burped at my desk while asking me for help, completely filling the air with the smell of his lunch. Ick. A few seconds later, he walked away, and I was left fanning my area with my lab book. Someone needs to stick a few shoe fresheners in his mouth.

But let's face it. People like Geoff make the rest of us look pretty darn good at work, don't they?

Care to share about your colleagues? Maybe paint a picture on a canvas that s/he will never see? Ok, go ahead. Get it off your chest. Feel free to use more than one comment forms if you can't fit it all in one. I know you have a lot to say.

Help me spread the word.

Everyone knows the basic short forms often used in MSN: ttyl, brb, btw, ic, ...

There's one more I want to add - so pass it on.

Background:
Some of us MSN at work. In many workplaces, instant messaging isn't encouraged (and so it shouldn't be, because it's rather disruptive to one's work -- believe me, I know. Then again, so is blogging.) So, like many of you, I've developed a keen ear for people walking my way. It quickly triggers a reflect which hits "ALT-TAB" away to a work-related window. But if you're in a conversation with someone while your boss comes by to talk to you, the last thing you want is for 4 incoming message tabs blinking away in your Start Menu bar. Quite frankly, it looks bad. So this is my solution to it.

Solution:
"DMM" or "dmm" -> Don't Message Me
What this really means is: "As of this message, don't send anything to me until I message you again. I'll explain later." In other words, "NO MESSAGES". It's usually not enough to just say "hold on" or "brb", because everyone's first reaction to that is to send a message "OKAY", which starts up a blinking message tab. No help there. When you receive a DMM/dmm message, just leave the person alone until the coast is clear. So, I want to spread this acronym into everyone's IMing dictionary. Please use it when appropriate, and please let everyone else know about it!

Very busy this week with a demo on Monday, and giving training Tuesday - Thursday. So just a short boring post.

The Canucks' season starts tonight (and against the Coyotes coached by Wayner). And then there's also Mr. Crosby out East to watch as well. I love having hockey news to read again. So, here's my question...

What's the best website for reading about the Canucks? I used to read the Vancouver Sun and Province online, but they seem to require subscriptions now. Where else?

I remember seeing the NASTIEST COMB-OVER on a bus between Taipei and Hsinchu. The man, maybe 50 or so. Bald crown. I sat behind him, so I can't tell you about the frontal lobe.

Ok, let's talk about combovers first. According to Wikipedia.com, "A comb over is a hairstyle worn by bald or balding men where the hair on one side of the head is grown long and then combed over the bald area." The accompanying diagram (also from Wikipedia) is subtitled "The comb-over hairstyle (U.S. Patent 4,022,227)". Patented in 1977. Ummm... ok. I don't know how you can patent a hairstyle, but alright. There are variations such as the "comb forward" and and the "comb back". These all have a similar goal of cover a bald spot discretely to not draw attention to common male pattern baldness. But com'on, let's be truthful, no combovers are successful. They will all turn out ugly. It just depends on how ugly. And yes, there IS a combover.com website with pictures.

Now, let's talk about MR. NASTYHEAD. From my angle, his so-called "replacement hair" came from the right side, sort of up and in a clockwise swoosh. The problem with this combover was that the hair was clumped together into bands. Maybe four clumps in all, each coming to a tip. I saw him try to sort it out, but brushing his right hand fingers through his hair, attempting to push it backwards into place. But no... they did not go into place. They stopped listening to him halfway and fell short of their goal. So, it kind of looked like raptor claws reaching around and grabbing a shiny ball from below. Just awful. I don't want to be mean, but he had Tony the Tiger strips across the back of his globe.

I wanted to get up from my seat, pull out a comb from my bag, and comb it out for him; but I didn't have a comb in my bag. So instead, I just snickered.

Now as I was giggling to myself, it started to make me wonder... what would I do if I were balding? Giving that I think I am predisposed to MPB, I should give this some serious thought. I would think about shaving my head, but I have an irregularly-shaped skull with a slight dip in the middle. Clearly, letting my leftover mane grow long would make me quite popular with the women, but only because I'd look like the aged Hulk Hogan (albeit without the stature and the 20" pythons). So, I guess I would just cut what hair I have short, and keep things neat. There really aren't many great solutions, I suppose. Rogaine?

For the guys, what would you do?
For the girls, if your man was losing hair, what would you suggest him do?

I have fruit flies. Bred in captivity (i.e. my place). I'm not proud of it at all.

Since 1.5 days ago, the death toll stands at 34, and rising. There are still survivors.

I know my folks, who read my blog, will tell me that I must have food out, that my place is dirty, etc. And it's not! I don't really leave food out (although I am guilty of leaving empty glasses of orange juice overnight once in a while) and my place isn't that dirty.

Well, this is the general breakdown of the cause of deaths.

• approx 10 killed by the home remedy provided by Kel: sugar + dishwashing detergent + water
  
• approx ~2 found dead by themselves - just keeled over and died!
  
• approx ~22 killed by yours truly - by hand and foot (really, I squashed a few with my feet)*

*I found an effective way to attract fruit flies last night. I turn on my TV and switch it to Video 1 (which is a blue screen if there is no signal). The fruit flies seem to like it, and they fly up and walk around on the TV screen. At that point, Kevin's hand comes along and WHACK! Assassinated. And the glass screen also makes it easy to wipe excess bug. In < 10 mins, I killed 5 or 6 this way.

Anyway, this is where you guys go "EEWWWWWWWwww!!".

I think I would get along with myself. I think my attitude towards others is about the same as what I'd like to receive from others. At least that's what I think. I sometimes make silly comments (for example, in reply to a question) that other people might find humorous, but that I probably wouldn't find so funny when I'm waiting to get a serious answer. And I could probably think of a few examples where I would totally piss myself off, but other than those few rare moments, I think we would get along well.

I'm sure there are a lot of people who do/say things that would tick them off if it were done/said to them. I have a coworker who is pretty impatient with others and has a terse attitude when speaking to people. At the same time, he also seems like the kind of person who can't stand being treated disrespectfully. He wouldn't get along with himself.

The topic here isn't whether other people would get along with you, but simply whether you would get along with an exact replica of yourself - maybe not physically (because no one wants to see your ugly mug twice), but in attitude, personality, speech, nuances, habits, and so on. They say opposites attract. So, do duplicates repel?

So... would you?

According to this article, Taiwan is losing its grip on piracy.

The Taiwanese need to reset a long term goal of being Market Leader in piracy. Those Chinese Mainlanders across the way are diligent. They have a clear population advantage and a booming movie-viewing demographic. The Taiwanese need to establish a competitive position through quality piracy. Gone are the days of head-bobbing in-theatre bootlegs. Today, only production house espionage, "For Academy Award Consideration", and straight DVD-to-DVD burns are worthy of satisfying the craving movie-watching community.

As with most industries, there's bound to be adversity. Multimedia piracy has been met with anti-piracy task forces, competition from Torrents, and haters. But with moderate effort, I think this black market will rise above those setbacks and succeed. Coalitions and co-operation between underground independent operators will only make the market demand stronger. Lower prices, promotions, and spreading the word through Piracy Awareness Programs - letting people know that such things exist and can be purchased - are viable solutions to expanding the Taiwanese piracy cause.

There's still a long way to go, but I think we can do it!!

My new coworker's name is Benjamin. SHE started today.

A lot of Taiwanese people (and Chinese people) have odd English names. Many of them seem so random, so wrong, so that's-not-a-name. It's partly because people want to have original names. They think Kevin's too common, Wendy's too common, so they start making up names.

Running through the employee list, here are a few strange ones. They can be categorized into The Adjectives, The Misspellt, and The Say-What?. None of these names are directly translated from their Chinese names. I also put these names through a search in thinkbabynames.com to weed out a few rare names that are actually names.

The Adjectives:
Happy [M] (I'm sure you are)
Smart [M] (actually, this one's from China)

The Misspellt:
Jully [F]
Tomson [M]
Jamy [M]

The Say-What?:
Acme [M] (This was chosen using closed eyes and a finger in a dictionary)
Dinlin [F] (I'm sorry...?)
Dis [M] (Would hate to get Dis'ed)
Jaw [M] (like, hit you in the...?)
Jurcy [M] (MMmmm, them oranges sure are Jurcy...)
Manton [M] (means: "Man's or hero's town")
Morven [F] (Not sure how she chose this...)
Pagan [M] (means: "Countryman", but has come to mean "heathen")
Rabi [M] (I will be at the Bar Mitzvah)
Samun [M] (My favorite type of sashimi)
Solo [M] (He must idolize Mario Van Peebles)

And my absolute favorite employee name at my company is:
Captain [M]

Any odd names you've heard?

Ay ay, and Goodbye!!

Feeding Frenzy

Mid-Autumn Festival, one of the biggest holidays in Chinese culture, is upon us. We had a M.A.F. celebration last night, which I helped organize (as a member of the Employee Committee). We had a KTV (karaoke) contest, as well as a buffet, on the 7th floor of our building. It was a busy day, getting things prepared for the 6:30pm start. The catering was poorly timed, as the first shipment of food arrived at 5:30pm, but the second shipment hadn't arrived at 6:30pm. Not long after 6:30pm, there was a trickle of a few employees arriving... and the crack turned to a hole as the entire company flooded through the staircase and elevator doors.

The second shipment hadn't arrived, and we didn't have any plates or utensils. Now here's where things got interesting. We have a company of 200+ people... mainly computer engineers and highly-educated... but lacking in sophistication. As they arrived, they headed straight to the food. Seeing that there were no plates, they just started picking with their hands. The saran wrap hadn't even been taken off the food trays!! Most of the food could be considered finger food, but not all. Everyone swarmed the buffet table instead of filing in a line working from left to right. It was like a pack of wilderbees coming across a river in the Serengeti during a drought. Very very surprising how lowly these people looked, picking at food with their hands. Eventually, the cupboards were opened and we had people use small plates, small bowls, and cups to eat. I saw some employees using their own tupperware as bowls. It was one big mess of people. Good thing I ate before we started. :)

As AC says, Taiwanese people have too much freedom; so much that they cross the line to having no rules or manners. Ain't that a fact.