In today's posting, I would like to bless you all with gift of knowledge about a particular tabooed subject. The idea or theory came to me sometime in the first 2 years of university (I think), and has been proven consistent for me since then. Today, we talk about: The Art of Fart. You may find some information here disturbing, but you may be a happier person having read this. If you do not want read about farts or bowel movements, DO NOT CONTINUE.

1. The Short Version
TO STOP FARTS FROM STINKING, DO NUMBER 2.

2. The Explanation
A "fart" is defined as "an expulsion of intestinal gas" by m-w.com. This is the passing of gas from the intestine or colon, through the rectal sack, and out the anal canal. These "farticles" (term coined by RobC) are, in themselves, odourless. But funny enough, they are not the only things to pass out the anus. Doo doo does too. So, when there is poopy (that is the scientific term) near the rectal sack, the farticles will pick up the scent and carry it with them out of the bum bum. Hence, smelly farts. If there is no dung awaiting exit, flatulance is a safe exercise that will draw as little attention to you as the sound it makes when broken. Breaking wind quietly is another topic which is outside of the scope of this posting.

3. What This Means For You
If you know you need to go, do not fart in public. Sometimes it is wise to let a scout out, from which you can grade whether it is safe to release the rest. If it's not, get to a washroom and lose a few pounds before dispersing your farticles amongst people. Your friends and coworkers will appreciate it. What this also means is that if your farts stink, you have poopy up there... so visiting the porcelain potty isn't a bad idea anyway.

4. Put it to The Test
Through the years, this theory has done me a ton of good and has saved me from many potentially embarrassing moments. But don't take my word for it, try it for yourself. Do a before-and-after comparison, separated by a trip to the crapper. I guarantee (or your money back! Minus S&H.) that you will find that gas passed afterwards will be virtually odourless.

So, I hope we can all take steps towards cleaning up the air and making our country/Earth smell a little fresher. Feel free to pass this on to your friends. I'd also like to hear your comments. Did you already know this? Did it work for you? Will your change your life? Or do you think it's all preposterous and that I'm talking out of my ass (no pun intended)? You can even respond by saying "My friend says that it worked for him", even when you're actually referring to yourself. It's all good.